But the thing is that this little ol' bloggity blog of mine was recently discovered by a friend here on the island, and it prompted me to come take a look around my old blog stomping grounds. It makes me sad that I'm so irregular (with blogging, with sanity, etc), so I decided I'll just throw something out here and whether I decide to add pictures or not, well, at least they'll be something here. And even if it's only fun for me to come back and look at in 10 months or 10 years or whatever, then that's okay.
So...Matt and I have officially been on the island of St. Maarten for 9 months. NINE MONTHS! You could grow a human in that amount of time! What is the deal?! We have less than a year left! We've already had to say goodbye to dear friends who have moved away! Nine months.
In true Cecily style, I love looking back on what was going on in my life at whatever moment it happens to be, one year previous. So, a year ago now, we were still in Provo. We were graduated. I was writing at Utah Valley Magazine. I was getting ready to run my last race in the BYU blue. But what's really funny is, we were about to flip our lives 180 degrees, completely upside down.
All I'd ever known was school and running. (And church, and fam, and Matt of course). Put me into an environment where I rush from class to class to running, to more class and more running, then fly me out every other weekend to other states and tell me to race my guts out and then do it all over again; then I can thrive. I know exactly what to do. The chaos was comfortable.
But move me to paradise, to heat and humidity, to breathtakingly blue water less than 5 minute walk away, to next to no responsibility besides supporting Matt in his schoolwork and dream to be a doctor, and putting dinner on the table each night, and I felt lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. Add to that the guilt from feeling lost when I'm living "the life," and you've got a Cecily who doesn't know quite how to function.
Coming to the island was easy and hard. Easy because I came with my best friend. Easy because we've been so blessed while we've been here with a great place to live, great friends, a job for me, beautiful views, etc. Hard because Matt never stops studying, because I no longer have my teammates, a present coach, a job in writing, easily accessible family. Not to mention running alone in the humidity made every day a struggle. My favorite pastime of running became the loneliest, hardest part of my day. And just when I started coming to terms with that, injury struck my life again. But I'm through the worst of that and after a slow return (still returning), I am back to daily running that resembles something real to me.
Here's a little something I jotted down after a run this week:
"Lonely is my running partner now. Lonely laces up its shoes next to me each morning and steps with me into the heaviness of humid island air. Lonely and I stumble through our first steps together, trying to shake off the sleepiness that followed us from the bedroom. It's just Lonely and I, dodging cars on the narrow roads, twisting our ankles on the uneven ground. And Lonely talks a lot; tells me when it's clear to cross the street, when to jump over this puddle, or that rock. Lonely talks about the good ol' days when there were teammates to run with and coaches to tell us what to do. Lonely will go on and on if you let her." --Cecily, post-run
It's not necessarily a bad thing. It just is.
Here's what's funny though. I am going home to Vacaville soon to hopefully be there when my dear sister Jessica has her baby girl. Yes, of course I'm excited. But I love being on this island right now. I do have an awesome life here. Sure, running and school or a writing job are not my main focus anymore, but they don't have to be. That's what I'm learning. I love our friends here. I love watching Matt get excited about something he's learned, something that typically ends up grossing me out. I love that when I get home from a run, I'm okay with it only being 40 minutes long and that I had to play Frogger with the passing cars and narrow, sidewalk-less roads. I'm okay with my drenched tank top and socks that squish in my shoes from sweat. I'm okay that there aren't any big races around the corner, or any annoying writing deadlines to meet.
You know what I've been up to lately? I'm being a pretend patient at Matt's school. I get a case, memorize a character, the symptoms that character is complaining of, their whole past medical history, family history, and social history, everything about them. Then I go to various classes here and the students practice their doctor interviewing skills. I get to give feedback. It's a program most medical schools have. Would I ever have guessed I would do something like that? No. Do I love it? Yeah, I do, actually.
I've also helped tutor our friends' children the whole time I've been on the island. (Friends is plural because semesters 1-2 it was the McGlues, and now I get to help out the Crookstons.) It's a blast. Right now, I get to make up writing assignments to go along with Little Women and Huck Finn. It's awesome! I run 30-40 minutes in the morning, just at a steady pace, and it's refreshing. No fartleks, no tempo's, no thresholds, no second run in the afternoon. I don't even use an alarm clock here. I go to bed when I'm tired and I wake up at the same time every morning on my own. Who gets to do that anymore?
The point is, my life is super different. Different from how it was a year ago. Different from what I ever thought it would be. I guess there are times in your life when you redefine yourself a little. That is certainly something I've been trying to do/fighting against/accepting/and still trying to do.
More to come, I hope.
Just so you know, I blog stalk you so I'm glad to see an update! I'm going to be in Vacaville too next week so I hope I see you!
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